The Black Death


Have you ever sewn a cloth of acid to your face and let it stew in your sensitive nerves for a half hour before promptly ripping it off?

No need, just go get one of these nifty peel-off masks and go to town.

My darling sister had the brilliant idea to order one of these fancy things off the internet. A bit more than a week later, it arrived in a regular, white UPS box about the size of a Girl Scout’s cookie box. She excitedly ripped into it before imploring that we simply must do it together. Now, I’m a fan of all things beauty and generally make a rule to try everything twice, in case I didn’t like it the first time.

We convened in my bathroom and cleansed our faces in preparation. Our skin was makeup-free and clean, the most relaxed step of the whole process. The mask is a Shills Black Mask Purifying peel-off Mask. It’s probably the most popular seller from this brand and a common option for peel-off masks.

Out of the bottle, the goop- that’s what it was, really-  was slick and inky black. It looked thick as molasses on my fingers but when I swiped it along my face it thinned considerably. The first layer looked more like I smeared lip gloss all over my face. But half a bottle later my face was an inappropriate racial joke.

Most every mask I’ve ever done sits wet on your face and slowly dries. This one was no different. While applying it, I got it a little close to the lips and accidentally dabbed a bit in my eyebrows. Little did I know how painful those mistakes would be later. Still, I sat comfortably watching Netflix while it dried (25 mins or so, in accordance with the packaging).

Then real life showed up.

It was time to start peeling it off, and the sister started first. Her yelps seemed dramatic to watch…I was so wrong. The chin came off nicely, a little pull but nothing too bad. Then again, the mask hadn’t met the peach fuzz on my jaw line yet. Their meeting was like a scene from Fight Club. Sarcastic, frenzied, and bloodshot. The cheeks went neatly, but the upper lip and septem  were tear-jerking. Literal tears, y’all. After that, the forehead was a tickle.

My “face” came off in one extremely creepy piece, looking something like Michael Myers mask in Halloween. My skin was a lovely, deep pink and soft as a baby’s bottom. And tender as raw nerves. Next day, three new zits had popped up. That could be good or bad, I’m not sure. It either clogged my pores, or it pulled the gunk already there to the top. Other than that, I can’t say it did anything of substance. My skin was only soft for as long as it was pained. It wasn’t glowy or tight or anything else.

If you’re into that whole face-slapping pain thing, then this is the mask for you! Otherwise, I wouldn’t venture your vanilla hearts towards it.




One thought on “The Black Death

  1. Absolutely howling at this review ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ hilarious. I’ve just reviewed this as well and can’t say I’m a fan but what the hell, like you say, everything is worth trying twice (but maybe not this) ๐Ÿ˜‚ x

    Liked by 1 person

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